| Girl Interrupted.... |
[Dec. 20th, 2009|11:05 pm] |
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Its funny looking back. I didn't realize how certain events, movies, books, music or people really affected me. I didn't notice what was a turning point in my life. I didn't see then how this movie would influence me. How this movie reaches me to this day or how touched I would be by Brittany Murphy's career or her death. How in some weird way they are connected for me....
This sounds..well nuts so I'll back up. When I was 13 or 14 I can't remember, I hated my body as most teens do. I had lost a bunch of weight, as I've mentioned before. I still wasn't happy. I hated how I looked because I was picked on at school. I met this girl I'll leave her name out of this...maybe I'll just call her L. She was like me miserable with herself only she was rail thin. She would often tell me that she didn't feel she fit in with everyone else. They didn't get it. I knew how she felt. She was there during my weight loss we encouraged each other. Sometimes she was a little mean because she was so hungry. I entertained the idea of being thin like her. As I knew her she lost more and more weight and she'd tell me more and more about herself and her life.
It turns out she'd spent some time in a hospital. I was terrified and fascinated at the same time. She introduced me to this movie "Girl Interrupted". She said she related to it because Winona Ryder's character had Borderline personality and so did she. I saw the movie and needless to say I was freaked out by it. I couldn't even stomach it at the time. This girl L loved it. She told me it was a lot like that in the hospital. She described them nailing everything to the floor and being forced to eat. I was scared for her. She told me she didn't get better at the hospital at all that she was still the same. Suddenly being thin didn't seem so important to me anymore. When I started to pull away she started to criticize me. She'd make harsh statements I began to notice more and more she had a not so sweet side. I would sometimes visit her at her dance studio and I remember this one day she looked so thin....it was almost frightening. She told me she was only eating one yogurt a day if she could help it.
I decided I needed to get away from her. I started hanging out with my "normal" friends. THe ones who "Didn't get me". More and more I began to think....L and I were not so alike after all. About a month later I got a frantic call from L's dad. L had been rushed to the hospital with a leaky heart valve. She had nearly died again. This was her second time with a heart related problem due to her anorexia. Now she was alive in a mental hospital recuperating. He begged me to call her and said she couldn't call me from the hospital. I wasn't sure what to do...I bucked up and called her. She told me again what it was like in there..how she wasn't going to get better. How they MADE her eat....how they wouldn't let her out till she gained a certain amount of weight. Eventually I didn't call as much and when she got out neither did she.
Then I believe I was about 16 and taking acting classes at a local agency. Her father called again saying she was going to take the same class as me. He thought I was a positive influence on her. She looked healthier now. She wasn't as rail thin. She told me she had to quit dancing because of the mirrors and that she now she had to attend therapy every week. She showed me this book she put together of clippings from magazines of "thin" people. She'd criticize the pictures and make horrifying statements like "I wish I looked like a skeleton with skin over it." She told me she was not better. She told me to try diet coke...I remember thats the first time I ever tried it. I started to feel negative about my body again as weight was all she seemed to be able to talk about.
She constantly talked about the hospital in an almost romantic tone. She was so used to be miserable it was like she enjoyed it. I couldn't handle it anymore I was getting so depressed to and due to my own body issues I didn't feel like I could be her friend anymore. When I quit the acting classes it sort of ended our friendship. I didn't even try to find out what had happened to her after that though nagging guilt ridden thoughts haunted me for years. Recently about a year or two ago I received a message from her on myspace asking if I remembered her. I didn't know what to do and didn't answer. I still dont know if it was the right thing to do.....
whenever she'd talk about the hospital like that I'd think of Winona Ryder's line at the end of "Girl Interrupted". "Maybe the world is fucked up....but I'd rather be a part of it..then down here with you."
It was so true....L had almost dragged me down with her. I didn't want it anymore being thin was not enough for me.
Reading that Brittany Murphy went into "Cardiac Arrest" at 32 shocked me. I know she probably struggled with an eating disorder and possilby a drug problem. For me her death is connected to that movie and consequently connected to my life.
In some weird way L and the message in that movie kinda saved me. I realized how destructive the path I was on was...It changed me. |
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| Lisa's Houston adventure...costarring Kara |
[Dec. 15th, 2009|06:10 pm] |
Things you need to know before you start watching: Yes I travel with 3 cameras...girl's gotta be prepared. I brought the canon rebel XS, paps zoom, canon powershot, and my hd JVC video cam. This video contains footage of the concert shot on my lil powershot and the rest of the vid is from my HD cam. THis is probably the most fun I've ever had at a concert. We even got to ride to the concert in a luxury SUV because the hotel we were staying at had that as free shuttle. Turns out the band stayed at the same hotel we did. We know this because a lil bird with a big mouth spilled the beans and even provided proof that at the very least the band manager or someone on staff stayed there. However this lil bird is very lucky we didn't tweet the info to everyone where they were staying also that we are not crazed fans who would search for them at the hotel. If you know me at all...I dont do shit like that, but this lil bird would have no way of knowing that. SO anyway it worked out for this lil bird...still he didn't get laid like he probably thought he would...anyway on with the VBLOG
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| my widely anticipated video blog is coming...but first.... |
[Dec. 13th, 2009|11:22 pm] |
I saw two films in the last couple of weeks. I saw The Road with Viggo Mortenson and I saw Brothers with Jake Gyllenhal (YUM) and Toby Maguire (Jakes twin why the hell haven't they played brothers before???). Anyway here's what I think and I know you are dying to know.
The Road: Same director as "No Country for Old Men" which I have not seen. The reason being everyone had such extreme opinion about it either hating it or loving it and I ended up just not seeing it all together. This is a decision I'm rethinking. I don't know if saying I enjoyed "The Road" would be the right choice of words. I thought it was a really incredible allegory of a man preparing his son to live on without him. I never read the book by the way. I thought Viggo did an incredible job. The movie was definitely heart and gut wrenching. I sniffled quite a bit and on a sidenote the boy who plays his son is so damn adorable. I do agree that the drearyness of the film seemed like a bit much at times, but overall I considered it a pretty succesful film. Not all films have to be happy or have a shiny rainbow at the end. As I said before the performances were very moving. I will need a break from this movie though, because it so incredibly sad I will have to wait a bit to see it again. I'm easily moved I'll admit and this father son thing really got to me. I was really dissapointed by the way that Guy Pearce is in the movie for like 10 seconds he's advertised as costarring. I thought he was gonna play the villain or something but no. Oh well other than those few things. I loved it!
Brothers: A little bit dissapointed with this one. The trailer and poster imply this intense love triangle between Natalie Portman, Jake Gyllenhal, and Toby Maguire. Spoiler...the triangle is a big let down. This movie was so intense...almost too intense. I felt exhausted at the end of the movie, but not necessarily satisfied. It was almost as if some of the intensity had not been necessary. I agree that Jake Gyllenhal's talent may have been underutilized in this film. There were hints here and there but it was so Toby centered it almost could've been called "Brother" instead of "Brothers. I just left the theatre wishing more had happened. They alluded to a lot but then it ended up just kind of ending. I thought the casting was such a cool idea. I've always thought Jake and Toby looked similar and wondered if anyone would ever play around with that idea. I also thing Toby Maguire is a decent actor and I was happy to see him in something besides Spiderman as I'm sure he was happy to do a different project. The last serious thing he was in was like "Seabiscuit" right? Anyway I really wanted to like this film and maybe I need to see it again, but it definitely was not what I was anticipating.
This is just what I think but I dont like to bash films. I don't want to be overly critical. I think there were great qualities about both and I would see both again. |
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